A favorite subject in school

Hands-down History. especially in the year 11 times when i was sat with my bestie . We used to sit there writing plans and talking. I remember so vividly one of the female history teachers burst into the room and starting yelling stuff a me at the top of her voice. turns out when as marketing the coursework for the year , the theme that year being northern ireland.

So. My dad helped me with his knowledge of working there and how evil the catholics aer. so this pure hatred which i quickly started = taking notes too. He took my course book which the school lends you and he wrote notes everywhere inside. So shes screaming “is this some sort of joke?” “No” think she left the classroom.

Discovered the best history teacher was a nonce.

I loved learning about different part of history, the wars and such. I also used trade comic books wit him.He had an anger issues which he would turn bright red.

silhouette of big ben surrounded by fog during daytime
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com


One day I’ll start a post with good news.

I had a seizure from 12 pm to 2.30 pm. No recollection, just eerie muscle aching, head laying on desk. Fortunately, no dents in my head this time. I did bust my lip but that I don’t mind so much. So that’s the timer reset to today, for the driving license I need to have no seizures for 12 months. This was the longest I’ve been without seizures. 10 days. Well, it’s a start. I’m also trying to understand the symptoms so I can beat it and lie down before it happens. Since I don’t have a memory a few minutes prior or post, it makes it difficult.

Today has been a quiet day, I’ve been spending it either zoned out or hyper-vigilant, with music playing so it’s not too bad. Did the remote school run, asking the kids how their day was. It’s a nice thing for me as I feel more included in their lives. Granted, I can’t do much remotely, but I do control the good behavior system and allocate money depending on the job. I started thinking they were making up what they said they were doing, so new photo evidence is required before payment of services, which S did without arguing.

Ugh. Hate this spaced-out feeling. My eyes are heavy despite heavy rubbing, just in case it was the moisturizer that I put on. But no. I slip between awake and doing things, to half-sleep energy drained. Wonder what’s causing it.

The flat

Good news though, it’s almost the 29th when the flat will be ready. I’ve been checking in for what seems like forever to see if it’s done earlier but no. I can’t buy anything yet till I’ve seen the inside of the flat and can plan where things go.

My priorities:

  1. Pay a week’s worth of rent as a deposit.
  2. Use saved money to get a man with a van to move everything Doti has packed.
  3. If the oven and stove are working, great. If not, pick up an air fryer from FB Marketplace.
  4. Get some sort of bed to sleep on. The council said they’d help with that.

If I can get these four main priorities done, then I’ll be really happy. There are a few things to take apart from the cartons, such as a coffee machine, budgies, a chest of drawers that currently live on top of each other, a white foldaway desk, and my chair. I also need to look for a sofa, so off to the charity shops I go. It needs to be a sofa bed as I’ll be sleeping on it until I can afford a bed, unless the council puts one in before I move in. Otherwise, I have plenty of blankets.

flat white and blue striped throw pillow on white bed
Photo by La Miko on Pexels.com

Twitchy leg syndrome

God, my legs won’t stop being twitchy tonight. Usually, I take magnesium so it doesn’t happen. When I was going through the meds yesterday, I forgot to put some in. I figured I could do with a break. It’s only been two days, haha. Just taken two now, and I’ll put the magnesium bottle next to the pre-made meds.

I’m so dizzy; it’s ridiculous. I can’t even see straight. I tried sleeping it off, but the power nap didn’t shift it. Some exciting news for me. Bestie has said he will come along for a fishing holiday in a few months. Wood cabin by the river or feeder lake, and he’ll cook what I catch. Hopefully, sometime early summer, we can hit the water and see what we can find. He has also offered his excellent cooking skills once I’m set up to show me a few easy singleton meals. Looking forward to that.

It was R’s 13th birthday on Saturday. she bought this amazing ring from Pandora with her birthday money, which was great. Ugh, the dizziness hits. Today, I was at D’s house at 7 am to wait in for a parcel for her. Played with the dogs, which equates to me lying on the floor, going mental, and a stampede. Wouldn’t have it any other way. Headed back to the hotel after things were delivered and flirted with music and the news. Today is also work (volunteer) day, so I was instructing J on how to set up a web server with the task of creating a PHP file which used a MySQL back end. I’ve not heard from him since.

Need to get hold of Day as it’s been a couple of days, but we’ve done the daily check-in for three weeks.

The twitchy leg syndrome is starting to wear off, which is awesome as I hate that feeling.

Hope you’re all having fantastic days.

yrestless leg syndrome oung fit ethnic sportsman exercising on street in city
Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

Instincts, should’ve seen that coming

Do you trust your instincts?

Yes. Especially at the moment, I tend to follow my instincts. By that, I mean I follow my gut. If I have a bad feeling, I’ll stop what I’m doing, and the same goes for the opposite, the positive ones. My gut says “yes” is hit and miss. That’s my understanding of instincts.

I get them quite often. Walking down the street, I get this nagging feeling that something bad will happen, so I become more cautious in my response. I don’t know if there is any science behind instincts, as technically it’s predicting a situation. But the negative is always more effective. I can be in a shop buying something, and I get a feeling that I can’t buy X, Y, or Z, so I’ll pass on them. Random instincts.

It can be bad. When B was little, I was the definition of a helicopter parent. I would freak out about the tiniest thing. He would go to a soft play area, and if I couldn’t see him, I would descend into “OMG, he’s going to die on the slide.” I sat there, stopping myself from checking in on him. The definition of instincts telling me something bad was going to happen to him.

I have learned to control it more, so I can sense if the instinct is real or not. I’m highly superstitious, which really doesn’t help the situation. We used to have a pool table at the farm. I would make stupid bets in my head. If I pot this ball, then my team will win the football match. Sounds silly, but it was serious.


The specific relevant content for this request, if necessary, delimited with characters: Human instincts should apply to emergency situations and meeting new people. I think those two things are the most important. I won’t cross this bridge because I have a gut feeling it’s going to end badly. I’ll stop talking to this person because he’s giving off bad vibes.

instincts green leafed trees
Photo by Nejc Košir on Pexels.com

I couldn’t resist QOTD

What’s the first impression you want to give people?

I’m so sorry I couldn’t resist anchorman infused gifs. Ah what a movie. I used to have a ‘I love lamp’ t-shirt but got lost a good decade ago. In all honesty I would want to give the impression that I am calm but underneath lays complete and utter, terror. Sort of a thousand yard stare but not too much. Reminiscent of Hunter S. Thompson but more toeing the thin line between madness and genius. Read into that what you wish.

Unfortunately due to several personality disorders I very rarely get to choose which person comes out on a first impression. I got all the range here. From shy and reserved to jumping on a desk, surfing. The latter hasn’t been attempted in a while. Not sure if the table would still be standing to be fair.


I hope I don’t come off as an arsehole.

QOTD – Space

What’s your favorite month of the year? Why?

Ignoring this year, because it’ll be the first christmas alone.

So typically from october to april are my favourite months. by far. it’s dark early and dark late both of which really appeal to me. I love night time, especially with crisp night air. Right now i go outside the hotel, sit on a bench and look up for 20 mins hoping to find something. Not sure what I was looking for to be honest really, so many stars.

He150ken. A delayed treat.


He159ken as a delayed treat tonight. I was supposed to have a beer on Friday, but for whatever reason, I didn’t pick one up. Not that I actually go to shops to buy things, but I didn’t get it with the usual Deliveroo shop on a Thursday to D’s house, to then take back with me to Das Motel.

So yes, He159ken, as it’s known this year, is quite a nice break from the odd ales that I would pick from. My dad used to work at the He159ken brewery in Holland. I think that might have led to my decision. I feel so sorry for the delivery people today though. so we had 4 deliveries at D’s house. I’m sure the neighbors must think bad things, but I had Amazon dropping off a game for me and R to play next time she visits, which will be here at the motel. But we will be going to a cafe to have tea and cake, then back here for board games. I need to check if we could sit in the function room here as more space to play.

Aside from the game, two food shops came in for treats for everyone, and then a beer shop with two bottles. There was an offer on for £7 for two and no delivery fees, which isn’t that bad. I know it’s cheaper to walk to the shop but don’t know if I could last that long. Although thinking about it, I should have tried. My head is still a bit wobbly from yesterday’s denting.

I spent the day at D’s, which was oddly enjoyable. It was nice spending some time with B when D went out to collect S. I got the Nintendo Switches all sorted for B, S, R, and me with a yearly family pass thing. £45, including the expansion packs, which was a really good deal. You can have up to 8 people in the group, so 4 left. I’m not sure if you all have to be under the same roof, but it’s working for R, who doesn’t live at D’s, so should be fine.

I think I expect too much of the kids now that they are teenagers. So hanging out with Dad isn’t cool anymore or anything, but it makes me a little sad. I asked a few times, went to their rooms, and no. S was in a sulk, and B just wanted to play on his machine, even though I charged and set up his Switch to run from the group account so he can get all the family perks. I did get a goodbye by him yelling from a closed door, so I guess that’s something?

So I’m back at the motel now; the heating has been on, so I’m nice and warm for a change. I dropped my washing off with reception for two loads (£5 per load), not expecting it to be ready for a week, but they left it today in my room, all washed, dried, and folded. Awesome. D also washed one of my jumpers, so at least I’ll be warm during the day when the heating’s off or if I go meet people I was supposed to meet in town, but I’ll try that again this week.

My psychotherapy has also come through after a 3-year wait. That starts on Thursday at the hospital for 1 hour a week. I had the respiratory clinic on Friday, and they think I have COPD, which makes sense when I smoked from 13 all the way till I was 30, so pretty much no new treatment. Take the blue inhaler when I need to and take the purple/brown one a day. Come back every year for a check-up.

I think I’ve turned another corner with me and D and moving on with stuff, I don’t have gut-wrenching agony when I leave, and I’m starting to see D as a friend more than anything else. I still need to stop buying her random treats when I order stuff, but that’s more a habit and a recognition that she deserves it for doing everything.

The D-day is finally coming towards us for the flat. I just need to get inside and see what I need and what I want to do. Considering I’m putting all my eggs in one basket, I really hope the place is okay in terms of neighbors, space, and things like that. They made it clear that if I reject this one, I will lose my homeless status, and I’d have to bid for houses and have the customary 1-year wait. But yeah, that’s where I’m up to with things.


Beer = win.
Kids could be better but all part of growing up. No heart breaking when I leave D’s house, and generally in a good place today for a change, which is awesome.

Trading Card EAT Money

Name the most expensive personal item you’ve ever purchased (not your home or car).

*ahem* £205 for a single trading card to complete a set? Painful. But overly satisfying to look at once in a while. That would be the most shocking use of money. I used to play Plus500 and made silly money on it, but also lost it. Fortunately, I gained more than what I put in, but it was properly messed up. £900 on coal… £900 on gold… like it’s not real money. You then hold firm until it hits a nice profit and sell them back. I had a few close calls, but insane money there.

I’m struggling to think of anything else. A computer for £1k or the £400 headphones. I think if there is a wasteful category, then I would win. But saying that, I’ve used that computer pretty much every day and the headphones, after a couple of years, are still being used this very second. So it’s all a matter of perspective!

£205… but damn what a nice trading card.

trading card people in clowns masks playing card
Photo by Jessika Estefanny on Pexels.com