Wanderlust: My Dream Destinations

I’ve always been a bit of an adventurer at heart, and one of my biggest dreams is to travel the world and experience different cultures. I’ve been fortunate enough to visit a few places already, but there are still so many countries on my bucket list.


Germany is one of the countries I’m most eager to visit. I’ve always been fascinated by German history and culture, and I would love to see some of the country’s famous landmarks, such as the Brandenburg Gate and the Reichstag Building. I’m also interested in trying some of the traditional German food, such as schnitzel and sauerkraut.

travel germany flag in front of building
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Norway is another country that has always appealed to me. I’m drawn to the country’s stunning natural beauty, with its fjords, mountains, and glaciers. I would love to go hiking in the Norwegian countryside and experience the Northern Lights.

New Zealand

New Zealand is a country that I’ve always wanted to visit since I was a kid. I’m fascinated by the country’s unique culture and its beautiful scenery. I would love to visit the Lord of the Rings filming locations and go whale watching in the South Island.

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Of course, I would also love to visit America. There are so many different places to see in this vast country, from the bustling cities of New York and Los Angeles to the Grand Canyon and the Great Smoky Mountains. I’m also interested in learning more about American history and culture.

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Spider-Free Travel

I do have one exception to my travel plans: I don’t plan on visiting Australia. I’m not a big fan of spiders, and Australia is home to some of the world’s most venomous arachnids. I’m sure Australia is a beautiful country, but I’ll have to pass on it for now.

Making the Dream a Reality

I know that traveling to so many different countries can be expensive, but I’m determined to make my dream a reality. I’m already starting to save up money, and I’m also researching ways to travel more affordably. I’m also learning about the different cultures of the countries I want to visit so that I can make the most of my time there.

Seizures. All day. ALL day.

Talk about relentless all day, the seizures were constant and I couldn’t do a thing about them. I had two in the morning, which left me in bed as they came with paralysis on my left hand side. Then another one at 6 pm, which is why I’m finding it so hard to type things out. So why do a post? Stubborn, mostly. Since I was bedridden, I slept on and off all day, so my body clock is out. It’s 2.52 am here.

So, I’m feeling better about the divorce and the fact that, at least on my part, we are still friends. Even if it’s for the kids’ sake, they are old enough to understand. Besides, they get an extra birthday, extra Christmas. I’m still around a few days every week. Ugh, this is annoying. Whenever I type, it’s missing letters. Hopefully, the spell check will find them.

The jerking is still the most annoying side of this whole thing. Imagine someone following you who randomly pushes your arms out. So reaching for a drink makes you tip it out or drop food. All sorts, so you just say sorry all the time; I hate it.

I’ll stop before the rambling gets worse.

Queen – Save Me

It started off so well
They said we made a perfect pair
I clothed myself in your glory and your love
How I loved you
How I cried
The years of care and loyalty
Were nothing but a sham it seems
The years belie we lived a lie
I love you till I die
Save me save me save me
I can’t face this life alone
Save me save me save me
I’m naked and I’m far from home

The slate will soon be clean
I’ll erase the memories
To start again with somebody new
Was it all wasted
All that love?
I hang my head and I advertise
A soul for sale or rent
I have no heart I’m cold inside
I have no real intent
Save me save me save me
I can’t face this life alone
Save me save me save me
Oh I’m naked and I’m far from home

Each night I cry I still believe the lie
I love you ’till I die
Save me save me save me
Save me save me oh save me
Don’t let me face my life alone
Save me save me oh
I’m naked and I’m far from home

queen battle black blur board game
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Random Musings

So random thoughts and musings going on in my mind today. I saw R today; her mum dropped her off at D’s house. We walked down to a local cafe and had lunch, cake, and tea. Well, she had a smoothie.

Shit. Seizuring. Not long, 1 minute. Listening to music, and when that happens, it’s a weird one. There I am, listening to a song, and then poof minute gone. I’m not surprised that it’s happening; it’s late, and I had a busy day. But yes, a nice little reminder “hi fnd is stiill here have a zap”. My hands are still numb, but it’s spread to my palm on my left hand; the right hand isn’t as bad now, but oddly my little toe is numb as well, which is completely random. I’ll make an appointment with the GP tomorrow.

The motel

~~Exciting development in the motel. I heard rats outside my window. Squeaking away as they scuttled around. I know they have rat traps, but yeah. Fun. So I’m keeping the window closed and guarding my stash of noodles, tuna, and salmon.

One night when I came back late, this must have been a week ago now, I walked into the motel and this guy was standing close behind me. As it was after curfew, I had to type the code on the keypad. So I started to worry as the guy was standing quite close, like he was going to run in after me. So I stared at him, he showed me his key. He doesn’t speak a word of English, is black, and looks like he’s from Africa as he has a twinge of a French accent. So that’s just by the way. I showed him the code and showed him how to get in. Turns out he’s my next-door neighbor with bad habits. I can hear him constantly making weird, random noises. Wailing, giggling, sighing really loudly. Now I have to shake my legs constantly, so tapping. The problem is my desk is against his wall, so I know that when I shake, I’m then shaking something in his room. I started doing it more and more while he still makes odd noises. Then I can hear him moving things, looking for the source. It amuses me. Simple things.~~

In closing…

struggling to type at the moment. They keep happening. I’ll go lay in bed and stare at the ceiling for a bit. Oh, and still no heating. My caseworker has been in touch with the housing team to get them to ask why it isn’t on. Most hotels I have been in always have the heating on, and you just set the thermostat to what you need. Anyways, random. Sums up this place. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy here, I have a bed instead of a sofa, and now with an electric blanket, it keeps me warm.

random white pills spilled on table
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Moon cheese QOTD

Daily writing prompt
How much would you pay to go to the moon?

Moon cheese. If the moon were made out of cheese, I would funnel all my millions into a ticket to fly there. The endless possibilities of a moon made of cheese would be immense. I wonder what it would taste like. Probably chalky, which definitely would be a bad thing. Investing all that money to find out it’s made of chalky cheese? Nah.

In all honesty, I think anyone with nearly enough money to pay to go to the moon should try investing it here on Earth first. Food banks, hospitals, schools, digital poverty, and poverty itself, for that matter. There are far more needy causes on this planet before we start screwing around with space tourism. I’m more than happy with NASA, Europe, and the rest of the world exploring and things. It just stings a bit when someone could potentially spend millions to get a ticket to the moon.

Science, yay. Citizens, nay.

But then again, if they have earned the money, they should be able to spend it how they like. It must be a question of morality. I honestly didn’t think this question would be that loaded. If you have the money to burn and that money towards a ticket is then used to further enhance our technology or offset the cost, then I’m all for it.

It was the same with the Titanic incident where the explorers all lost their lives on the way down. It was their money, they knew the risks, and that’s ultimately the price you can end up paying. So, would it be a safe thing to do? Argh, I’m now just rambling at this point.


Moon cheese. I’ll stick with that answer.

half moon at nighttime
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Career QOTD Career or not to career?

Daily writing prompt
What alternative career paths have you considered or are interested in?

Back in the day, my career path was focused more on which jobs would kill me rather than what I would be good at. In high school, the career software they had running on the machines matched me with a funeral director, which I always found amusing. I vividly remember when I was 14-15, requesting an army promotional VHS tape. Watched it, thinking I would love to be in the army if I was fit enough to do something useful and learn a skill. I wanted to join the air defense, which at the time was a SAM site operator.

With the progression of high school, in year 11, when I was 15, I started becoming interested in programming. I started off with HTML, then quickly progressed to PHP. MySQL came naturally with it, and by 2000, I was busy building blogs and the like. Then, free will happened when I finished high school, and I went to college, then ultimately university, where I picked up Unix, etc. A career path was always focused on IT ensued.

Now, looking back, I always wondered what would have happened if I did join the army. How would it have shaped me and where would my life be? I’m a firm believer in natural progression, going with the flow and where the wind takes me. I do enjoy IT work, hardware or programming, but especially DB development and reporting. There is something quite satisfying about writing a mega join SQL statement that doesn’t cripple the server.

In conclusion

I’m struggling to think if there was another dream career, but no, I am quite happy with this one and the imaginary soldier life, haha. Charity work is my primary function these days, which is very rewarding at times and keeps me busy.

career in missle launching at sunset
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Food, glorious food QOTD

Daily writing prompt
What food would you say is your specialty?

Dad food. Anything I can put in the air fryer: sausages, chips, beans. But actual cooking skill comes in the form of mini lessons D used to give me when she had the patience. I can make a nice honey roast gammon that just melts, thrice-cooked wedges, roasted parsnips, and carrots. A Sunday roast.

I used to love baking but fell out of love with that long ago. I wanted to experiment with petit fours, but all my cooking molds got thrown away, might take it up again when I’ve moved into the flat. Yes, the flat. I’m still waiting for them to finish sorting out the electrics. Much to the chagrin of the council who have to pay for my motel expenses to keep me here. That’s a rant for another post.

I can do spaghetti, oh, and I can make an awesome tuna pasta bake with a thick layer of molten cheese. Come to think of it, at one point, I was using the Cookidoo to make decent meals. It took a lot of tinkering at first, but I guess I’ve learned a fair few dishes. S doesn’t like cheese and is particular about texture, so we used to draw up a list of meals she liked and we would all build a menu.

That makes my heart hurt again. Sunday roasts and planning meals. Something I’ll never get to do again. At least not yet. There are plans in motion.

food dad food delicious burger with fried egg and fries
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We remember so we never forget

Daily writing prompt
What major historical events do you remember?

To remember events is important to keep the memories of those events alive, or more precisely, so we never forget. I have been privy to a few events, some major to me and my family but also more mainstream historical events too.

Princess Diana. In bed sleeping at the farm, I was like 14 or 15. My Day barges into the room, sticks my TV on, and watches all the coverage of her crash in Paris. You could feel the sadness of the whole thing. Mother-in-law off’s princess. I still don’t know what to believe with that one. I remember the butler getting a book deal out of it.

9/11. Again, in bed, I hear the sound of the workers from the factory flooding into the gun room at the farm, and I’m glued to the TV. I stumbled in half-dressed just as the second plane hit in real time.

Mum. August. Dad left a message on my phone at 4 am. Just as mum’s favorite song, “Son of a Preacher Man,” started playing, she squeezed my dad’s hand and drifted off.

Dad. August. Holding his hand and saying, “You do what you need to do,” I squeezed his hand and he was gone.

Christ, what a depressing end to a post!

remember blue and white sky with stars
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Drugs. Risk. Drugs. Dammit. QOTD

Daily writing prompt
What’s the biggest risk you’d like to take — but haven’t been able to?

Risk is drugs for me. I haven’t hidden or spared any details on my blog about my battles with addiction or the general fact that I take 27 tablets a day. What would I love to do? Come off every single one and see how things are. The vast majority of the meds I take are antipsychotics, Valium, and other sedating medication. There was a time when I wasn’t medicated, and d put the idea in my head about reducing them when things are more stable. It would be interesting because either something really good will happen or something will go horribly, horribly wrong.

But the risk. The risk is unthinkable with blackout rage, and this whole antisocial narcissistic side of me that I’m petrified will take hold and that the drugs, prescribed, are holding the gates closed and allowing me to float around my days. I think if I started small and dropped one of the antipsychotics from 4 times a day to 2 and try that. It’ll take ages to do it but… god, I don’t know, is it worth the possible relapse? And what if I come off everything and I just can’t handle life again? Then again, what if it actually works?

If you were skimming through that, the main takeaway is the risk of not taking my meds. If you got this far, I’ll show you what my brain understood that to mean:

Heroin. I’d like to start injecting again, but this time with some class A. Risk? Didn’t see that part of the question.

Ladies and gentlemen, my brain.

risk drugstechnology computer head health
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