Instincts, should’ve seen that coming

Do you trust your instincts?

Yes. Especially at the moment, I tend to follow my instincts. By that, I mean I follow my gut. If I have a bad feeling, I’ll stop what I’m doing, and the same goes for the opposite, the positive ones. My gut says “yes” is hit and miss. That’s my understanding of instincts.

I get them quite often. Walking down the street, I get this nagging feeling that something bad will happen, so I become more cautious in my response. I don’t know if there is any science behind instincts, as technically it’s predicting a situation. But the negative is always more effective. I can be in a shop buying something, and I get a feeling that I can’t buy X, Y, or Z, so I’ll pass on them. Random instincts.

It can be bad. When B was little, I was the definition of a helicopter parent. I would freak out about the tiniest thing. He would go to a soft play area, and if I couldn’t see him, I would descend into “OMG, he’s going to die on the slide.” I sat there, stopping myself from checking in on him. The definition of instincts telling me something bad was going to happen to him.

I have learned to control it more, so I can sense if the instinct is real or not. I’m highly superstitious, which really doesn’t help the situation. We used to have a pool table at the farm. I would make stupid bets in my head. If I pot this ball, then my team will win the football match. Sounds silly, but it was serious.


The specific relevant content for this request, if necessary, delimited with characters: Human instincts should apply to emergency situations and meeting new people. I think those two things are the most important. I won’t cross this bridge because I have a gut feeling it’s going to end badly. I’ll stop talking to this person because he’s giving off bad vibes.

instincts green leafed trees
Photo by Nejc Košir on

Random Q’s

How much do I think I rely on external validation?
I suppose most people will be the same. I do rely quite heavily on external validation. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have a blog, which is let’s face it- all about you and your world looking for people to comment on or like for validation. In my day-to-day life, it can be the same, “Should I of done that?” “Is that okay?” lots of checking to make sure you are validated. It’s important and I wouldn’t change it because it drives change and keeps you in reality. If I started writing murderous thoughts then people (I hope!) would comment back and say something.

Do I tend to resist or embrace change?
Nope. That’s a big nope. I really have issues when it comes to change. Especially surprise change. That affects me the worst because well, I don’t honestly know why it affects me so badly. I’ll be resistant to the point of stubbornness. Then something will happen and I’ll embrace the change and adapt. But no, generally change is bad. I’d love to be one of those people who can do it straight away when something changes. Rather than being stuck in my old stubborn ways it would be good to try and work on it. For example, the

How did my first heartbreak change me?
That time with your partner is precious. Don’t take them for granted they will always be there. Never let the passion dry out and keep things exciting, trying new things and taking time to talk. Every day. Sometimes that’s never enough but you have to try and want it. If you follow all of that and still have nothing then it’s like giving CPR to a rock. You just have to call it a day I suppose. It made me introspective. I looked at my behaviors more and after a few years you get still get the “I should have done more” or “OMG I was a dickhead”. That’s good and bad. Good that you can look back and see what you did wrong but bad if you dwell on it too much. What is done is done and cannot be undone.

What do I wish people knew about me?
That’s a tough one. I try to be as transparent and open as I can be on the blog, not hiding anything. Maybe I come across as shy but I’m not, it’s just anxiety. That when I walk and stubble, I’m not drunk. I honestly don’t know how to answer this one. I practice witchcraft? suppose that’s something I haven’t talked about. My obsession with the occult and my vast collection of books on the subject. I could do a post about it but not sure if it’s something you should blog about.

That I’m not always going on about mental or physical disabilities on purpose, things just happen to be rough at the moment. It’s a dark phase of my life that will hopefully get better. It’s also my 40th birthday on the 15th. Skipping it I think. Might be best. I’ll probably do a post about that.

Do I consider myself intuitive? why or why not?
Mindfulness and meditation. That would be pretty much everything I do to encourage intuition. I do try and follow my gut feelings and take a moment to reflect before doing something. When I was in the hospital, for the second time in a week, I had a strong gut feeling that D would separate from me. It was a really strong feeling and I was worried about it. I did a post I think saying I hope she doesn’t because she automated everything when I wasn’t there. So I was no longer helpful. It was a big worry for me at the time. Other times I have missed the mark with intuition like when trading stocks. It took a few months to start calling it. I have a gut feeling to move my profits into a commodity and it tanked. Instead of pulling back, I thought it would recover but it totally went the other way. That was in 2015 I believe.

What is a list of things that I find inspiring?
Quotes- I spend a lot of time reading quotes, I just find them so interesting. Especially older quotes from people who have experienced life because it brings a certain wisdom when reading them. I do have a few posts about quotes, my favorites, well, at that moment in time. They change as the mood changes.
People- I find certain people inspiring. The innocence of children and the way they learn, adapt, and process things. That a brain that hasn’t been tainted can think and ask such wonderous things. Old people. They have had a full life and every one of them is unique. I find it inspiring that they are still alive after a hard life, that they didn’t give up. People who try and kill themselves but stop. The massive willpower needed to do that is insane. That inspires me.

What do I know today that I didn’t know last year?
You can enjoy just being still, doing nothing, just sitting and letting the thoughts melt away. I learned this in the hospital.
People-watching is a valid activity.
How to walk with two walking sticks.
Never take anything for granted.
Life can change in an instant.